I’m sitting here trying to understand how I feel and I can’t find the right word.  Melancholy is too strong. Impracticable is an awesome word but not appropriate when applied to a person’s feelings. A wanting or yearning underlies sadness and desire. Yet there is hopefulness entwined with the hopelessness that offers a special bright spot.

 

I’ve got an odd mix of practicality and emotion ruling my sensory output and days like these they battle and war inside me like an Armageddon.  Most days they rule like king and queen sitting side by side on gilded thrones, making decisions hand in hand.  Days filled with longing and an inexplicable seclusion cause my rulers to enter into a lover’s spat and everything I do and view is filtered through the mish mash of warring monarchs hoping to best each other. The queen is armed with plum colored paintballs; the king’s are cobalt.  Their golden perches and splattered with velvety splotches; their clothes seem to drip the dye they were made from.  Each ruler is intent on emerging the victor yet neither has what the other lacks because both king and queen are an equal mix of practical and emotional meaning the argument is nonsensical.

 

Days such as this, steeped in warring emotions make little sense to me. So I made brownies.

defining moment

 

–noun

a point at which the essential nature or character of a person, group, etc., is revealed or identified.

 

When I was 13, the family piled into the car and drove a couple hours to Chicago’s O’Hare airport where they waved enthusiastically as I boarded an airplane, by myself. Destination: Bordeaux, France.

 

I was a shy, shy kid.  An older man sat next to me and tried to make small talk but I would only nod or shake my head, wouldn’t make eye contact and I’m sure my eyes were wide with fear and my breathing shallow.  He gave up shortly after take off.

 

Hours upon hours later, the captain announces our approach to Charles de Gaulle airport.  I pulled out my ticket in order to be well prepared for the plane change I had to make.  I noticed the baggage claim tickets say Rome, Italy.  I stare at it thinking, that doesn’t make any sense.  I steal a couple stealthy glances at the old man next to me and determine he hasn’t become an ax murder on the long flight across the Atlantic. Taking a deep, fortifying breath I lean toward him and ask, “What does this mean?” pointing to the baggage claim stubs stapled to the inside of my ticket.

 

“It means your bags are checked through to Rome,” he says.

 

Crap, that isn’t an answer.  Now I have to speak, out loud, to him AGAIN! Rapid blink. Gnaw lip. “I’m not going to Rome.”

 

“Then you’ll have to get that taken care of right away.”

 

The man explained, in detail thank goodness – because I’ve always been a details type of gal – how I was to go about intercepting my luggage.  I did and my bags made it to the south of France along with me.    

 

During my extended stay in the small town of Biganos, I wrote letters home.  Apparently I was very honest about just how homesick I felt because at 3:30 one morning, Monsieur Devaud woke me and said, “Your mama is on zee phone.” Unfortunately for the Devaud family, my mom did the math wrong and miscalculated the time difference.  However, I was thrilled to hear her voice no matter the hour.  My mom said I sounded sad and lonely in my letters and that she was really worried.  That was pretty embarrassing actually so, I started making excuses about why I’d sounded pathetic and assured her everything was really just fine.

 

Then she made THEE offer.  “If you want to come home, I’ll book you a flight tomorrow.”

 

Well, when you put it that way…NO WAY am I leaving. 

 

Two defining moments in my life.

 

So?

 

When I’m mired in the muck of creating a story, I think about these experiences in my life or those I’ve been lucky enough to be privy to and I emulate them for my character.  I know what it feels like to be painfully shy but realize I HAVE to ask for help from a stranger.  I can still recall the depth of homesickness I felt, yet as soon as the offer to walk away was pitched to me my homesickness shattered into a million pieces and I knew I wouldn’t miss the rest of my international experience for anything.  That is splendid characterization material!

 

Isolate your own defining moments. Create a Defining Moments document that you add to each time you remember one.  Then if your character gets stuck in a quandary, read through your own life experiences to inspire a resolve for your character.  Heck, if you aren’t going to employ the acquired knowledge in your day-to-day sensibilities, the least you can do is ad value to your character, right?

Recent Reads

 

Beauty and the Beast by Marie Le Prince de Beaumont I feel funny imposing my silly rating system on a classic that has seen a myriad of retellings and interpretations.  I did chuckle now and again at the old fashioned and sometimes shocking views and the long-winded explanation to the reader on how they should feel at a particular point in the book.  If you are ever concerned that the human race hasn’t stepped forward in equality and mutual respect, or if you long for the old quiet style of writing…read a classic.  It’ll cure you.

Going Bovine by Libba Bray – humble rating: Golf Clap – not sure I understand why it was awarded the Printz award but I rarely understand the award process.  There were a few endearing characters and I enjoy Bray’s humor.  But the book felt long and the resolve predictable.

Fire by Kristin Cashore - humble rating: Golf Clap – Well written, well developed story. But my never-ending prissiness warns that it is Rated R, not suggested for readers under seventeen unless accompanied by an adult.

Beastly by Alex Flinn - humble rating: Golf Clap – She read many Beauty and the Beast stories to write Beastly, one of them being the first one on this list.  I especially enjoyed the chatroom sessions in Beastly.  Now I can look forward to the movie.

 

Recent Rents

 

Duplicity

Intolerable Cruelty – oh my gosh-what a funny movie.

17 Again

The Soloist

The Hangover

My own humble rating system: Please feel free to ask for clarification or to dispute my opinion.  I only ask that we ALWAYS remain respectful to the author.

 

Chirping Cricket – At the end all you hear is the chirp of the cricket.  I doubt I’ll ever use this because I can’t publicly embarrass someone knowingly.  However, I must have a ‘beginning’ rating in order for the rest to make sense. 

 

Golf Clap - The polite ovation that follows a well-placed shot.

 

Motivational Speaker –You are left fired up and eager to get to work making the world a better place.  You can’t wait to tell your friends all the insights and inspiration you took away from it. 

 

Rock Concert – Hooting and hollering, cheering, singing and clapping throughout the performance.  Swaying and lit lighters accompany ballads.  Riots break out if there is no encore

Do you ‘Contest’?  I have a writer friend who has seen unusual success contesting J.  Her successes have always been an inspiration for me.  But participating in writing contests can be time consuming.  Time consuming tasks eat into your writing time, your research time and/or your mental down time (aka, Facebook time). For me, it is mostly that last bit.

 

I see many more contests than I participate in.  But occasionally I run across a contest that I have an entry ready, or almost ready for, or one that immediately inspires a short story in my head and therefore is worth pursuing.  Though I haven’t necessarily experienced a lot of success in the contests themselves, stories I’ve written for them have gone on to see publication elsewhere.  Occasionally a contest provides great feedback on your entry and therefore helps you to improve your writing.

 

I entered the Kidlit.com novel beginnings contest.  Of course I feel I have a great chance at placing at the top, otherwise I wouldn’t have entered, however I actually have a one in however-many-entered chance in being good enough to get feedback on the entry.  But I feel contests like these, at minimum, act as an initial thermometer reading. How hot or cold is your story idea? Your presentation?

 

Have you entered any contests lately?  What do you hope to get/learn from it?

Recent Reads

 

Ballad-A Gathering of Faerie by Maggie Stiefvater – Motivational Speaker – I didn’t want this lovely novel to end. Return of one of my favorite of Mrs. Stiefvater’s characters (James). Grudgingly rooted for the bad turns good girl. Well played. 

Prophecy of the Sisters by Michelle Zink - Golf Clap – Good story, a bit long in spots.  I’ll read the next one.

Prada & Prejudice by Mandy Hubbard – Golf Clap – What a fun, fast read.  I’m not sure I liked the end but I don’t know how else it could’ve ended, ya know?  I’m still dreaming about Alex though.  *sigh*

As You Wish by Jackson Pearce - Golf Clap++++ – I loved this book! What a great surprise.  I smiled through so much of it.  Fell for Jinn (and Lawrence J.) Really liked how honestly good Viola is.  What a fun, fun read!  Thanks Miss Pearce!

 

Recent Rents

 

G-Force

Alex Rider-Operation Storm Breaker

Ice Age 3

 

My own humble rating system: Please feel free to ask for clarification or to dispute my opinion.  I only ask that we ALWAYS remain respectful to the author.

 

Chirping Cricket – At the end all you hear is the chirp of the cricket.  I doubt I’ll ever use this because I can’t publicly embarrass someone knowingly.  However, I must have a ‘beginning’ rating in order for the rest to make sense. 

 

Golf Clap - The polite ovation that follows a well-placed shot.

 

Motivational Speaker –You are left fired up and eager to get to work making the world a better place.  You can’t wait to tell your friends all the insights and inspiration you took away from it. 

 

Rock Concert – Hooting and hollering, cheering, singing and clapping throughout the performance.  Swaying and lit lighters accompany ballads.  Riots break out if there is no encore

When I first started writing I was a stay at home mother of four kids.  My third child had just started Kindergarten so it was just me and my youngest at home.  For those of you who aren’t yet parents or haven’t had to go into zone defense because of the number of children you’ve had, you need to know that when you are finally left with only one at home it is so QUIET and you feel so FREE as if you have so much extra TIME!!!! In the first two months of that school year I wrote an 82,000 word novel.  It was AWESOME!!!

 

But now I’m a real writer in the real world.  Faced with major time constraints.  I work, I drive children from one event to another, I attend some.  I go on reconnaissance missions in search of odd items for visual aids or specific brand of clay for a model or Van Dorn  2½ reeds for Bb Clarinet.  I return books to the library just to return home to an email saying another item we requested has just been shelved for pick up.  I’m in a choir, I try to get a four mile walk in at least three times a week.  I’m always at the grocery store.  Always.  So how do I keep moving forward in my writing journey?

 

You’ve probably heard, “Write everyday.”  Well, that doesn’t work for me.  I personally don’t understand the value of 100 words of crap 5 days in a row; compared to an inspired 1000 words on the one day I have time for them.  So I don’t write everyday. 

 

But I do something FOR my writing everyday.  At least one thing.  Usually small.  Sometimes huge.  When I was on vacation I loaded 2000 highly emotive words into a new novel each day.  That’s a lot for me.  But yesterday I walked, had a doctor’s appointment, worked, attended choir.  By the time I sat down to pretend I was a writer, I was tired and kinda crabby (okay, I admit I was crabby going into it).  So I networked.  I gave one of my mss to a reader for feedback.  I touched base with some writer friends and learned about a couple new contacts I’d made and sent some friend requests on facebook.  Nothing huge.  Did it while I had half an ear on the late local news.  Today I’m blogging.  Tomorrow I might finish the book I’m reading.  I probably won’t get to write again until Saturday because of the ‘being employed’ thing.  When I sit down to write, I like to have thinking time.  It really only needs to be a couple hours to get through about 1100 words but I’d prefer those hours not to be squished between work, overlapping dinner and run into bedtime.  Truth be told, those hours ideally would include my fuzzy robe and bon-bons but now I’m dreaming and that is not what this post is about.

 

If you feel that your writing career never seems to move forward, give this method a try.  You don’t have to move literary mountains everyday.  Think of it as building your literary mountain.  Each day you bring a pebble, rock or boulder over to add to your mountain.  A year from now, that could be a big pile!  Three years from now you’ve got a view from the top.  Five years from now, you’re selling ski passes.

 

Reach for the sky!

I decided to post my TBR (to be read) list in a conspicuous place in the house so that when my children are overwhelmed with love for their mother in recognition of all she does for them, they’d know a simple and effective gift they can give me to say “thank you.” Or when my husband feels bad for leaving me for days on end to go hunting or some such thing, he knows what to buy to download to my Kindle to keep me quietly occupied in his absence. But more than likely I will be the only one to use the list throughout the year. However, it will still prove handy. Whenever I’m ready to dash off to the library I always draw a blank on what I want to read next. When people ask, “What’s next for you?” I stare at them blankly and forget anything I’ve ever thought I might be interested in. 

 Sure enough, when I sit down to make the list…blank!

So over the last week, I’ve managed to remember a few of the titles I’ve wanted to read. Can you help me fill in my list, please? I read 40 books last year, I need at least that many for this year. It is not required that they all be new releases just middle grade or young adult, please.

 Here is what I have so far in no particular order:

 

Being Nikki by Meg Cabot

Just Breeze by Beverly Stowe McClure

Going Bovine by Libba Bray

Hush Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

As You Wish by Jackson Pearce

When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead

Perchance to Dream by Lisa Mantchev (though I can’t find the release date on this)

#3 in Hunger Games Series by Suzanne Collins

Fire by Kristin Cashore

Magic Under Glass by Jaclyn Dolamore

Silver Phoenix by Cindy Pon

The Brilliant Fall of Gianna Z by Kate Moss

 

Your turn. Please add your suggestions to my TBR! Trust me, I need all the help I can get.

Last year I gave up on goals.  For years prior, I’d made specific, quantifiable goals that were intended to lead me to certain successes only to be discouraged at the end of the year when I’d always completed my end of the bargain but hadn’t achieved much of anything because of it.  So last year I decided not to set the specific quantifiable list of goals knowing that after years of doing them I was pretty well trained to complete them anyway.  Did I?  I’m not actually sure.  My data (I’m a logger.  I log, log, log. Excel and I are intimate.  Graphs cause my heartbeat to flutter in anticipation) is currently being held captive by my old, dead computer.  But I’m pretty certain I still managed to stay close to my previous year’s work ethic with the same outcome.  Therefore, I’ve decided to stumble through 2010 with no specific goals or resolutions in mind beyond the very wispy; enjoy family and friends, make each day count, be true to my values, live in service to others… That said, 2010 is gonna kick-butt.  Don’t know why. Just know it will.  And I’m excited.

 

I’ve been compiling links lately that I’d like to share.

 

If you are a resolution/goal setting sort of person but struggle with setting them, Maggie Stiefvater has a good how-to post.

 

This line in another livejournal post I read: “There is value in being good at what you are, but there is loneliness in never being good at who you are” truly resonated with me. A beautiful post, by livejournal user kimmiepoppins aka Kimberly Sabatini, that honors her father.  Short and worth the few extra moments to pop on over.

 

Wouldn’t you LOVE to be able to buy every single book that you want to read in order to fill your bookshelves and support your favorite authors?  Here is a great post by Lisa Schroeder where she gives her top 10 ways to support fellow authors when you can’t indulge yourself by buying all of their books!

 

GR LeBlanc (of the beautiful, but sadly defunct, Dragonfly Spirit) is starting a new quarterly online magazine for children called Berry Blue Haiku.  They are gearing up for a June 2010 publication and are open to submissions.  As always, please read the submission guidelines carefully as they are a focused publication.  Good luck Berry Blue!

 

If you are on my blog directly, you’ll have noticed a new theme for the New Year.  Nothing too dramatic.  I would change the theme dramatically and often if I didn’t think it would impact my readership.  Each time my fingers itch to change, I think of Steve on Blue’s Clues who wore the same green shirt everyday.  There had to be a reason the director did that too him!  Now it sounds like I’m comparing my readers to preschool aged children and the resulting mentality and I don’t mean too. I do think there is something inherent in familiarity and though my readers are surely mature and sophisticated enough to handle frequent theme and color changes, I’d rather my blog stimulate a feeling of comfort.  I would personalize it if I could figure out how.  I’m just this side of techno-smart.  For example, I've yet to figure out why the font often changes in the last paragraph of my posts, such as it does in this one...

Happy, happy New Year to everyone. May your pen run out of ink from all the signing of contracts and books you do this year. May you capture your muse and clip her wings to keep her from flitting off. May you always keep in mind that the writing is for and about the kids.
 

 

My last Recents post of ot9.  I was a bit disappointed in my final numbers.  I only got through 40 books this year.  Please don’t misunderstand, I am happy to have that much time to read.  I feel so blessed to have a family that will allow me the freedom to curl up on the couch and get lost in a book on a regular basis.  But there are SO many books out there that I want to read and more being published everyday.  I’m seriously considering a speed-reading course?  Anyone out there do that?  Did it help?  Are there any disadvantages?

Funny little piece of trivia for y’all; my first read of 2010 will be Ballad.  My first read of 2009 was Lament.  I’m a bit wowed by the fact that it has only been a year since I discovered Mrs. Stievfater’s beautiful writing.  Crazy.  In 09 I also discovered the Hunger Game series and the Vampire Academy series, both of which I really enjoy.

 

A toast to young adult and middle grade fiction.  May we find our shelves bending under the weight of good stories. And may my new Kindle fill with titles from the authors I’ve grown so fond of through the blueboards, livejournal, facebook.  There is no more supportive world than that of kidlit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Recent Reads

 

 Ninth Grade Slays by Heather Brewer - Golf Clap – Ah, Vlad you are fun.

 Eyes Like Stars by Lisa Mantchev - Golf Clap – Looking forward to the next one.  I'm assuming there is one because of the wide-open ending.

 

Recent Rents

 

Up (more than awesome!)

Clash of the Titans – A family movie with nakeyness.  Okay, whatever.

Princess Bride

 

 

My own humble rating system: Please feel free to ask for clarification or to dispute my opinion.  I only ask that we ALWAYS remain respectful to the author.

 

Chirping Cricket – At the end all you hear is the chirp of the cricket.  I doubt I’ll ever use this because I can’t publicly embarrass someone knowingly.  However, I must have a ‘beginning’ rating in order for the rest to make sense. 

 

Golf Clap - The polite ovation that follows a well-placed shot.

 

Motivational Speaker –You are left fired up and eager to get to work making the world a better place.  You can’t wait to tell your friends all the insights and inspiration you took away from it. 

 

Rock Concert – Hooting and hollering, cheering, singing and clapping throughout the performance.  Swaying and lit lighters accompany ballads.  Riots break out if there is no encore.

When I picked up my laptop from the tech a short time ago he said he suspected my next issue would involve the loose power cable.  Something about the computer being old and having issues.  He shook his head in a dismissive and somewhat blown away manner. I admit, I raised an eyebrow at all this.  The cord fell out because it didn’t fit well, right?  A couple days ago the screen flickered a couple times and then the laptop shut off. Very sudden.  Very unexpected.  Very unsettling.  (Okay, I realize I was warned…whatever!) I turned it back on and wasn’t able to get a good enough connection with the power cable to charge the battery and if I left the cord plugged in, the flicker/shut off thing would happen sporadically.  After the third flicker/shut off, I left it off.  For two days.

 

Yesterday I bravely, hesitantly turned it on.  With one eye closed and my head turned aside, I peeked at my screen and saw it was experiencing the same problems.  Gnawing the inside of my cheek, I replaced the battery with a back up one I have and thought I had a good connection with the power cord.  But it was like typing on eggshells; afraid that settling my wrists too heavily on the machine would upset it.  It didn’t take long for it to flicker and shut off.

 

I know from the outpouring of support that many of you out there understand the impact a dying computer has on a writer’s sense of security.  But I want to explore the direct relation to a lack of productivity and a complete abandonment of creativity.  I can’t even come up with quippy Facebook status updates.  What is up with that?

 

I’ve considered the problem might be a tremor in the force.  Or more to the point a disruption in my schedule. I can be a creature of habit like anyone else.  But, frankly, I’ve never developed a regular writing schedule.  It has been years since I’ve had a specific writing location.  So having the laptop taken away really shouldn’t have disrupted my creative flow.

 

Next I explored the possibility that my creative juices can’t flow into another computer.  Can’t be taken down on paper.  That without my ‘writing pad’ my hands are tied and my fingers are stagnant.  Um…except…um, I’m kinda composing on my daughter’s computer right now.  And my best friend and I write long handwritten letters to each other on a regular basis.  So having the laptop taken away really shouldn’t have disrupted my creative flow.

 

Finally I’ve delved deep, deep, deep into my psyche and wondered at the possibility that I’m afraid of loss.  Now that I know the laptop is vulnerable, I’m afraid to create anything new that might just be lost in a mega failure.  Perhaps it is my way of protecting my tenuous and fragile self-sufficiency.  Wrapping a warm, fuzzy, fire resistant mind blanket around my creative core to save it for…oh hell, that can’t be it since I save my stuff in yahoo and can access it from anywhere.

 

So having the laptop taken away really shouldn’t have disrupted my creative flow.  As a matter of fact, I now see that it actually isn’t to blame.  Remember when Luke is trying to lift the ship out of the swamp with the force?  He tries and tries but he just can’t and the ship sinks deeper into the muck.  Then Yoda turns on his uber-force and with little effort the ship is up and out of the water and drip-drying in moments.  Well, hand me a light saber and call me Luke.  I need a trip to the swamp and some mind calisthenics with Yoda.  Much anger I have.  I must learn to trust the force.  Okay, I don’t really have anger issues but it sounded so Yoda-y.

 

New Year’s resolution: BIC or BOC or BORC, whichever one works for the day.  For you non-writerly folks: BIC = Butt in chair, BOC = Butt on couch when children aren’t home and BORC = Butt on Rocking Chair on extremely satisfying front porch.  Just write.  With or without a working laptop.  No excuses. 

I’m exceptionally grateful for my low-key, healthy, employed and housed existence these days but I’m acutely aware that it doesn’t guarantee my course through life. I’ve seen far too many people hit by curve balls.

Imagine you’re a person who has been blessed to live their first 20 or so years in a comfortable, and relatively supportive and functional environment. Imagine in that 20 years you’ve lost a beloved family dog and then your grandfather. Imagine you’ve had your heart broken by your high school sweetheart when he or she dumped you half way through your freshman year at college. Finally, imagine that at 20-something years old, you were downsized out of a job and you and your roommates celebrated by throwing a layoff party. If this is you, you will approach your 30’s thinking you’ve seen grief and trials.

This is a world similar to what my friends and I grew up in. Our parents raised us while working their jobs with the same company for 25+ years. But all of us, children and parents alike, have learned that life isn’t scripted. Tragedy follows no rules.

-at-

30 years. 30 years of hard work, sacrifices, lessons learned. You’re on top of the world. Best job you’ve ever had. Young, growing family. Invincible. Until in one moment your life is turned upside down. Inoperable brain tumor. Faced to tie up loose ends and prepare your children to grow up without you. Your life plan always included YOU.

-or-

50 years. 50 years of hard work, sacrifices, lessons taught and learned. In the last two years you’ve graciously taken a pay cut and loss of benefits and scaled back on hours in order to keep your job-only to lose it anyway. Now you’ve spent your savings, cashed in your 401K. Your life plan didn’t include having to start over again only 15 to 20 years from retirement.

-or-

70 years. 70 years of hard work, sacrifices, lessons taught and learned. Your life plan at 70 didn’t include checking the garage for intruders or defending your loved one from other imagined threats. Love and commitment can lead you down paths you would never chose for yourself or your poor, suffering loved one.

The life plan that you’ve imagined for yourself or your family will need constant editing. A dream may need to be scratched out and replaced with a solution to an unimagined problem. Hard work may not end when you expect and hope for it to. And worst of all, you may need to leave your own script unfinished.

In the extreme case, you hope you’ve made a difference and left a lasting impression so that after you are gone you will continue to touch lives. Or maybe you’ll want someone to erect a bronze statue in your image extolling your contributions and greatness. Perhaps you like the idea of a time capsule that will sit quietly underground for 50 years and be discovered by a whole new age of people to discover what you have to share.

But we are living in the here and now. This time of year it is especially hard to be a person living a life they hadn’t planned. If you are currently blessed with a planned and expected life, reach out to someone who might feel overwhelmed by change. Cook them a meal, take them a gift card, or show up on their doorstep with a dozen carolers. Do something that takes them out of their drudgery and give them a moment of respite. A small action from you may make your biggest impact in life. And you may never even know it.

--

I’ve come to the conclusion query letters are a waste of time. Here’s my solution:

HELP WANTED:

Aspiring Children’s Author has immediate opening for editor of publishing house. Size of house commiserate with experience or personal taste. Editor must be able to write a constructive editorial letter with intent to develop author’s manuscript into stronger, more attention grabbing story. Line edits may be required at times. Editor must be able to give and receive feedback and constructive criticism with grace. Editor will be expected to be part of a team with the ultimate intent of successfully publishing author’s manuscript. Editor will seek and acquire illustrator to develop cover art and chapter art, when needed. Other team members may include but not be limited to, author’s agent, copy editor, continuity editor, marketing and/or publicist. Author is only needy once every other month or so, when she requires extra ego stroking. Otherwise, author is independent, professional, coach-able, sometimes funny and easy to get along with. Author currently has two middle grade fantasy novels and one contemporary mg completed and is revising a young adult fantasy. Author has HUGE family, which guarantees elevated sales. If you are interested in this position or would like more information on any of the manuscripts mentioned please post your resume and contact information in comments or email kaistrand @ yahoo dot com.

Or:

Aspiring Children’s Author, Kai Strand (Kinc), has immediate need for literary agent. Agent must have love of fiction including capacity for suspension of belief. Agent must offer editorial oversight to current manuscript with intent to develop the strongest story capable for submission. Agent will be required to keep detailed submission and response records and forward information to Kinc regularly. Agent will be allowed a percentage of sales as long as agent acquires sales. Agent will need to provide guidance for book promotion after successful sale. Kinc is coach-able, eager, professional and photogenic*. Benefits include: heart health from laughter, improved psyche from the occasional good cry, rare-but possible blood pumping frustration (which has the added benefit of attracting other authors to the list who write the ever popular vampire-lore). Chocolate sent by Kinc to agent on birthdays and religious holidays (all chocolate will include a new toothbrush and those little tablets that show you where you missed when you brushed). Agents who are looking for a working relationship heavy in professionalism and tempered with emotive communication can contact Kinc at kaistrand at yahoo dot com or feel free to leave contact information in the comments.

* if professional photographer is used

fu⋅til⋅i⋅ty

–noun

1.	the quality of being futile; ineffectiveness; uselessness.

The longer I live the more I realize that I tend to gravitate toward futile activities.

The Nike.com running site where I upload the data from my walks has defined levels. I’ve tried to figure out the actual purpose of the levels aside from a random and obscure goal but still have yet to define them. At 155 miles, you advance to the next level (where you stay until 620 miles – huh?!). Okay, I admit it was fun seeing my screen flash from the orange to the green indicating my achievement. Feeling accomplished I went upstairs to shower. Stepped on the scale. It didn’t even bother to give me numbers. It just said, “Nope, still fat. Keep trying.”

Little stirrings of excitement have been swirling in my stomach on occasion lately. I’d signed a contract awhile back for a short story of mine to be included in an anthology. Finally my first print publication! I’ve been planning which teachers to contact at the local elementary school, who have let me read for their classes in the past. I’ve been excited to have a real book to share. Yesterday I got the email that the publisher no longer has the funds to publish the anthology.

Futile efforts. I work and work for not. 155 miles and probably just as many submissions. Why? I’m actually not sure.

Recent Reads:

Bella at Midnight by Diane Stanley - Motivational Speaker

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold - Motivational Speaker++

Blood Promise by Richelle Mead- Golf Clap - Good ending but this book was as telly as Frostbite.

Splendor by Anna Godbersen- Golf Clap - Love the cover of these books!

Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce - Golf Clap

Recent Rents:

Arrested Development – Season 2

The Blue Butterfly

Dedication

First Daughter

Chasing Liberty

My own humble rating system: Please feel free to ask for clarification or to dispute my opinion. I only ask that we ALWAYS remain respectful to the author.

Chirping Cricket – At the end all you hear is the chirp of the cricket. I doubt I’ll ever use this because I can’t publicly embarrass someone knowingly. However, I must have a ‘beginning’ rating in order for the rest to make sense.

Golf Clap - The polite ovation that follows a well-placed shot.

Motivational Speaker –You are left fired up and eager to get to work making the world a better place. You can’t wait to tell your friends all the insights and inspiration you took away from it.

Rock Concert – Hooting and hollering, cheering, singing and clapping throughout the performance. Swaying and lit lighters accompany ballads. Riots break out if there is no encore.

Do you struggle with characterization? I mean, really, you shouldn’t. Look around you. Your entire life you have been surrounded by characterization.

When I’m asked to describe my son (one in particular-I have a couple), I answer; ‘sweet, honest, anal, true’. But why? What is it about him that pulls those words out of my brain dictionary?

We were at a very busy Starbucks, huddled around a small table across from the counter, eating goodies and waiting for our drinks. People crushed in around us waiting for their own drinks. I watched an employee weave through the crowd and approach the counter. He reached over the counter, grabbed the whipped cream and squirted some into his coffee. I lost interest in said employee and looked back at my son who also watched said employee but wore an expression of disgust on his face. The employee turned away from the counter and snaked back through the masses. My son’s face relaxed and he turned his attention back to his donut.

“You looked really disgusted. What was bothering you about that guy?” I asked.

He smirked. “I thought he was a customer walking up to the counter and helping himself to the stuff. But he works here.”

Recently when I read one of my manuscripts to my kids, I grilled them afterward with questions like; what did you like, what confused you, what didn’t you like? To that one, son-of-discussion answered, “I don’t like that she told the reporter that she wouldn’t recognize drugs if someone handed them to her because now someone could walk up to her and hand her some drugs and she’d be like, ‘thanks’ and she wouldn’t know.” How amazing is it that he was worried about the integrity of the completely fabricated m.c. not the dropped story line or alternating p.o.v.?

But see how I’ve portrayed his consistency of character? He is a good person. That is how he thinks. That is how he acts. I can’t make this stuff up. Oh wait, maybe now I can.

I saw a spot on the Today Show one morning from the Broadway production of Legally Blonde the musical. By the time the song ended I was surprised I didn’t find blood dripping from my ears. There is no possible way I could have sat through an entire production of the show listening to that nasal twang sing. Could the singer project her voice? Yes. Did she display good voice control? Absolutely. Is she talented? Certainly. For all I know, I am in the minority in my inability to hear her voice for sustained periods.

I read a book that was so steeped with uneducated, southern characters whose dialogue was painfully true to the culture that I actually stopped reading the book. Same reason I stopped reading Lord of the Rings (I know, WHAT!?!), it was just way more work to slog through than I want in a book.

When you write a character with a lisp, the dialogue should dithplay the lithp when you firtht introduth the character but ath the reader gets used to it, you can back off a bit and only remind the reader every onthe and a while. Otherwithe ath you can thee, thith would drive you NUTTH theven chapterth in.

But the issue of voice in children’s literature is an interesting one. I recently received the comment that a character of mine didn’t ‘sound’ her age. I realize I might be biased but I had to respectfully disagree-at least for now. I feel I know a lot of kids and have done some good qualifying research. There is definitely a ‘voice’ you hear with certain ages. My daughter is (mostly)* a typical 10-year-old girl. I’ve heard interviews with 10-year-old girls from England that sound just like my daughter. It is so entertaining to see a kid make the same dramatic hand gestures, make the same head bobs and say the same things except with an accent. Yet my daughter has a friend that is very mature and serious for her age. She doesn’t fit in that '10-year-old box.'

My character intentionally doesn’t fit into her age box either because she is Einstein-smart and painfully prissy. She hangs out with a math geek and a computer nerd, so they aren’t going to be completely age appropriate either, though they are a bit more so. Their fourth friend is the only one who could be age appropriate but she hangs out with a bunch of brainiacs, so what is that gonna do to her?

Voice.

This is just one person telling me my character doesn’t feel age appropriate and I’ve considered the input and come to the conclusion that I don’t agree. However, if that became a common complaint, I’d have to address it and figure out a different way to show my mc’s smarts while keeping her age appropriate. I hope I don’t have to because I dig her the way she is.

It can be hard identifying a character’s voice. It can be even more difficult staying true to it. But your character is a person with quirks, habits, foibles and issues and it is your duty to discover what those are and exploit them when appropriate.

Go forth and discover what the voices in your head are trying to say. Those voices belong to your soundless characters. Soundless not voiceless. You are their only outlet.

*the caveat is: though my daughter’s general actions are typical to her age, she throws $10 words into her speech on a regular basis. She ALWAYS has, even when she was two. THAT is character in action. But crit partners, agents or editors might say, “Would a 10 year old really say that?” Uh…yeah!

Some of my favorites:

• Dark chocolate dipped in Skippy.
• My youngest son's maniacal giggle.
• Characters whose depths enchant you.
• Belting along with Heart's "Crazy On You" - loudly.
• Hugs from my youngest daughter who still holds on tight.
• Being tucked up under a fleece throw on the couch with a good book (For recommendations, see the tag Recents).
• Seeing a child's 'Uh huh" moment when they are listening to me read my story.
• My husband's touch.
• Unexpected kindness from strangers.
• Creating the first draft of a novel.
• Current favorite line from my middle grade novel, SAVE THE LEMMINGS!, "Don't get distracted by the gross little rodent."
• Current favorite scene from my young adult novel, Super Villain Academy: when Jeff and Mystic get hot and heavy but Jeff makes the right choice and walks away (thoroughly ticking Mystic off!).
• Current favorite pastime: daydreaming about publication.

What are some of your favorites?

Experience has lead me to believe ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder.’ At thirteen years old, my attitude toward my mother could have been classified as ‘typical.’ Then she sent me to France. Alone. For the summer. By week four I was so steeped in homesickness I missed her more than anyone. Much later in life, when my husband and I moved our family from California to Oregon, my husband came up here first while I stayed behind with the four children (6 and younger) hoping to sell the house. The house didn’t sell and I was a nutcase on my own, so we left the house in the capable hands of the realtor and relocated.

And now, it seems, I’m again being provoked in that direction. November 1^st, my husband held my hand as I explained to the counter guy at Connecting Point what troubles I’d been having with my laptop. I think I might have been petting the cover as I explained the slow loss of component use. I pointed out that I’d left the network card in so they could test the machine with it in use. I felt like I was pointing out the emergency numbers to the babysitter.

On November 4^th, I hadn’t heard from them, so I called. A technician came on the phone and explained that I (my computer) was still ‘in line.’ They work on a first come, first serve basis and I was still 3 to 5 business days from making it onto the ‘bench’. My mouth dropped open. Not an effective reaction for a phone conversation. I considered picking the laptop back up and suffering the inconvenience of a nonworking mouse but, well, it really isn’t practical in any sense to have a laptop that doesn’t have a mouse.

November 9^th was the day I started hyperventilating each time I thought of my laptop sitting in line at Connecting Point. I almost called to ask if I could visit. Turn it on and look at the desktop for a while. I could stay out of their way while they worked on the computers still in front of me. Heck, I might help them! I refrained but I haven’t slept well all week.

November 11^th I actually scanned the crowd and wondered if the Connecting Point technicians had taken time off work to attend the Veterans Day Parade like I had or if they were working on my computer.

November 12. Today. I was at work and truly not thinking a thing about my laptop because I was flippin’ busy! I pushed my chair back from my desk preparing to get up and walk into the conference room to give a presentation. While reviewing the bullet points of the presentation in my head, my phone rang. I thought about not answering it but knew it would be at least an hour before I’d get back to my phone again. “This is me.” (Well, I actually use my name when I answer my work phone.)

“Hi, this is Beelzebub at Connecting Point.” (oh, BTW, I changed his name to protect my innocence – or is it the innocent - if there are any around.)

I thought of the room full of people waiting for me and well, I had to take the call. And did he have a resolution for me? NO! He’d only gotten halfway through troubleshooting when he called. He told me the one thing he’d resolved and then told me what he still had yet to do. WHAT?! Beel, buddy, don’t raise a girl’s hopes like that! He said he’d call me back.

Here’s the irony of the situation. (Believe it or not, the phone call was NOT the ironic part of this story.) I’ve been battling some major writer blues for a few months now. Trying all sorts of things to break myself out of it. Well, NOT having my laptop to ‘create’ on seems to be an effective blockbuster. I suspect that when I do get my computer back, I’ll set it on my lap, power it on and then sit there for days straight creating. My children will have to feed me peanut butter sandwiches and bananas. My husband will have to Febreeze me. And, for a short time at least, I won't care if what I've created is crap or best seller because I'll be saving it into MY Documents.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder even in the case of touchpads and megabytes.

Every time that tail passed me by I couldn’t help but grab it; a stick-straight rod with the black fuzz-ball on the end.  It was as if the groomer used the width of my hand to determine where the shaved area blossomed into the fuzz.  Too perfect a fit not to take advantage of.  I also used to love to brush my hand over the very tips of the puff on top of his head to charge the fur with electricity. But he didn’t let me do that too often.  Mostly he’d draw his lips back and bear his teeth and growl, low and rumbly, in his belly.  I always thought it was a conflict for a cute poodle to growl.  Though the fur on his body was usually kept shaved close to his skin, it still displayed what seemed to me like miles of swervey-curvy roads for my hot wheels to follow. In truth, our dog was the same age as me but I always thought of him as a mean old man.  That was a relationship that was doomed from the start.

 

Your turn.  Tell me about your childhood pet, your best friend, or the school bully.  Dig deep and get in touch with what you really saw or thought of or what kind of relationship you had and why. 

Harken back to days past when dreams were still big and unknown, scary and daunting yet unquestionably part of your future.  Remember your biggest dream?  Travel back to that time and age when that was your soul focus.  Let the anticipation fill you up.  Let the fear of the unknown flutter your stomach.  Revel in hopeful expectation.

 

Fast forward to current day. Most of us are not traveling down the original road we’d anxiously anticipated.  Look back with all the wisdom and knowledge age and experience offers and identify each time your path altered from the original course.  Would you change any of those decisions or circumstances? 

 

So many things have happened to and around me as I’ve journeyed to this point in my life.  Beautiful new lives have come into existence. Beautiful existing lives have faded. Each waxing and waning life has resonated within me, guided and changed me. If God is willing, my life path will continue to twist, dip, rise, even drop off cliffs for years to come but I will be shown routes to follow or I’ll be offered options in direction and as long as I stay true to my values, my decisions will remain true.  Why aren’t we taught that in high school when our most life altering decisions are staring us in the face? When our most challenging experiences are yet to come? Perhaps because twenty-some-odd years later we’d have been traveling down a straight path not having learned and not having taught. We’d be boring, predictable beings unable to deal with the volatility of everyday life. Or perhaps we weren’t listening.

 

I’ve never known life to be simple, easy or carefree because it is my nature to find the worry-factor in even the mundane.  But I know there are people who are blessed with a carefree existence.  For those of us who aren’t, and especially to the younger readers who face the bigger decisions and challenges in life, I want to offer some advice.  Ah, some of you just stopped reading. Silly youth.  For those of you who’ve stuck with it, I offer this:

 

When the everyday mundane has you crossing your eyes, or if you’re expected to make decisions bigger than you feel you are able to make, or when God taps you on the shoulder and tells you that it is your turn for something really, really big:

 

Follow your instinct, not someone else’s.  Love your family. Cherish your friends. Love each day you are given. Value yourself. Honor God.

 

Whether you are 16, 36, 56, 76 or 96, this advice holds true.  If you are an entrepreneur, lawyer, teacher, flagger or student, this advice holds true. 

 

Love, cherish, value and honor.

God Bless.